We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
