tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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