She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pooping to opera.
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