today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
