38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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