So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
