Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
