it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
