she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize