sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
