one might say we're banned from that church
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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