I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
