I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
