And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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