This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
