I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
