i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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