This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
