I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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