Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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