Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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