uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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