this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
