So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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