someone get that fucking seahorse.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
