Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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