Buhtt sex?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
