Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
