Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
