I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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