Me. At least after what I've been through.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
