My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
