Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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