Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
