trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
