You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize