I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you win again, gameday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
