I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
