Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I enjoy the company of your penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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