I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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