I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
