This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
