i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
