Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
