FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
