just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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