I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i now understand why vodka
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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