All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
