Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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