In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
