I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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