I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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