I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
