So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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