the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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