I CAN MOONWALK!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The power of my boobs compel you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
