Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
