why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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