he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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