i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I understand Curling. That high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
