Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
