I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
