how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
