Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
