Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
