What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
