Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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