Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
