bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
operation have a gay friend backfired
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
