WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
