in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
