Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
