This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
