I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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