she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
