I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
