the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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