a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
