The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize