Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
