i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
