I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize