It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Too much gin, very little bucket
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
