Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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