so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
