This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
