We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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