woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
