on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
