I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
