I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
