was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
