It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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